101 Uses of a 'C++' Text 
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 101 Uses of a 'C++' Text

     ***  101 USES FOR A 'C++' TEXTBOOK  ***

  1) To protect the finish on that expensive dining room table,
     use the book as a coaster.

  2) Use the edge of the binding to draw straight lines.

  3) It's just the right size and shape to plug up that book-shaped hole
     in the roof of your house.

  4) Hide money between the pages.

  5) Use it as a support under a piece of paper so that you can play
     tic-tac-toe in bed.

  6) The spine can be used to tap thumb tacks into the bulletin board.

  7) Cut the disk in the back of the book into four pieces and stack them;
     the result is a great filter for viewing solar eclipses.

  8) Use it as a crutch for your favorite living room chair when one of
     its legs breaks.

  9) It's just right as a footstool for changing those almost-within-reach
     light bulbs.

 10) Use it as a bookend.

 11) The sides of the book can be used to press wallpaper into those tight
     corners the next time you remodel your house.

 12) Use it as a forty-dollar paperweight.

 13) The next time your car gets stuck in either mud or snow, wedge the
     textbook under your tire to get more traction.

 14) Use it as an extra step to fix that broken staircase in the ba{*filter*}t.

 15) Trade in the text to buy that new frying pan you've always wanted.

 16) Use it as a rest for your soup ladle.

 17) Slide it repeatedly back and forth under the refrigerator to sweep
     up that thick, horrible dust.

 18) It makes an inexpensive doorstop so that the wind doesn't slam
     your bedroom door during the summer months.

 19) Use it to smooth freshly laid cement.

 20) Swat spiders, flies, and other household pests with it.

 21) Crack walnuts by whacking them on the coffee table with it.

 22) Use it to flatten sandwiches so they'll hold together longer.

 23) Whack Nancy Kerrigan's knee with it.

 24) On those hot summer days, lay the book with pages open onto your face
     in order to shield your eyes from the Sun.

 25) Use it as a distance marker on the golf course.

 26) Jot down your favorite recipes on the blank pages.

 27) Use it as a cutting board.

 28) File this week's bills between the pages.

 29) Use the blank pages as blotter paper for your desk.

 30) It can add that extra height to the cushion of your two-year-old's
     high-chair at the dinner table.

 31) On those long camping trips, carry it on board as a spare canoe paddle.

 32) Use the edge of each page to clean between your teeth.

 33) It's great as a spanking board to punish those {*filter*} high-school kids.

 34) It can protect the kitchen table from that hot roasting pan.

 35) Use it to sweep pine needles from under this year's X-mas tree.

 36) Knock Santa out with it during a sleigh robbery.

 37) Put it under one leg of the X-mas tree stand to keep the tree level.

 38) Use it as a pooper-scooper for Santa's reindeer.

 39) It can be used to prop the chimney chute open for Santa.

 40) It's great as an ice scraper for your windshield.

 41) Use it as a serving platter for fruit cake.

 42) Cover the text with frosting and serve it as fruit cake.

 43) Use it to provide lumbar back support for your office chair.

 44) It can be used to knead dough for gingerbread cookies.

 45) It makes wonderful confetti for the next New Year's Eve party.

 46) Use it as a substitute mouse-pad for your computer.

 47) Brush snow off your porch steps with it.

 48) Brush leaves off your car hood with it.

 49) Put it down a baseball player's pants for protection.

 50) Use it as a cure for insomnia on those hot summer nights.

 51) Fan the pages as a substitute air conditioner.

 52) When stranded on Gilligan's Island, flag down passing ships with it.

 53) Throw it at the neighborhood cat which always trespasses on your lawn.

 54) Put it on the kitchen counter to dam those extra-large spills.

 55) Use it to cover up that annoying icon which always appears in the lower
     right-hand corner of your TV screen.

 56) Keep it on your night table in just the right place to cover up that
     ugly coffee stain.

 57) Use it to slap that stupid cat which keeps clawing the furniture.

 58) Set it ablaze for use as a road flare.

 59) Use the corners to make crimps in your next apple pie before baking.

 60) Use it to hold down one corner of your towel during a windy day at
     the beach.

 61) Cover your head with it the next time it rains and you forget
     your umbrella.

 62) Walk with it on top of your head to improve your posture.

 63) Have the pages recycled to make cereal boxes.

 64) After it rains, put it on a picnic bench before sitting down.

 65) It can be used to hold the front door ajar for those furniture movers.

 66) Put it under a flowerpot to catch the runoff.

 67) It's pretty good for scratching your back in those hard-to-reach places.

 68) It makes a great ramp for your kid's toy car.

 69) Use it as an object in a Hot Wheels obstacle course.

 70) It's great as a substitute for one of your baby's building blocks.

 71) Use it as a speed-bump.

 72) On those cold winter mornings, use it to pry the stuck garage door open.

 73) Use it as a shim to quiet that window which rattles on windy days.

 74) Cover your eyes with it during a scary movie.

 75) Use it as a substitute gamepiece in shuffleboard.

 76) Hold it at the appropriate distance from your eye to frame that
     perfect family portrait.

 77) Use the pages as kindling paper for campfires on that next jamboree.

 78) It's great as a substitute bone for your dog to bury.

 79) Tear the pages out for exercise.

 80) Use it to conduct airplanes along a runway.

 81) Keep it on your car dashboard to prevent loose change from sliding
     down those vents.

 82) The next time you get a traffic ticket, cheerfully offer the text to
     the police officer so he has something to write on.

 83) Use the pages as decoupage to decorate the walls of your friendly
     neighborhood bistro.

 84) Your bartender can use it to skim the excess foam off your beers.

 85) Store just-used paintbrushes on it so they won't mar your workbench.

 86) After{*filter*}ing an envelope to seal it, use the text to clamp the
     envelope shut.

 87) Use it to hit pucks in table-top air hockey.

 88) It's great as a substitute ping-pong paddle.

 89) Keep it on the front seat of your car to deter thieves.

 90) Use a telescope to project the Sun's image onto it in order to
     view sunspots.

 91) Slide it down an inclined plane at various angles as a demonstration of
     the Law of Friction.

 92) Use the pages to wrap pork chops and other kinds of raw meat for storage.

 93) Use it to flip grilled cheese sandwiches.

 94) Use the pages to line your garbage pail.

 95) Pass it through a paper-shredder and use the resulting fiber as a
     filler in hot dogs.

 96) It can be used to conceal part of the transparency while you teach
     with an overhead projector.

 97) Use it to cover a bowl of leftovers in the refrigerator.

 98) The next time you ride the bus, lay the text next to you in order to
     reserve a seat for your friend.

 99) Trace the large 'C' in the title for calligraphy class.

100) As you walk in the rain, carry it on top of your other schoolbooks
     to protect them.

101) Coat the pages with honey and use them as flypaper.

    ... AND MANY MORE!

Mon, 14 Dec 1998 03:00:00 GMT  
 [ 1 post ] 

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