People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to
communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of
signs seen  around the world.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
 LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

 At a Budapest zoo:
 PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE
IT  TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

 Doctors office, Rome:
 SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

 Hotel, Acapulco:
 THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

 Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner,
 Japan:
 COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
 PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN.
TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR
PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

 Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
 TO STOP LEAK TURN{*filter*} TO THE RIGHT

 In a Nairobi restaurant:
 CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

 On an Athi River highway:
 TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

 On a poster at Kencom:
 ARE YOU AN {*filter*} THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

 A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
 DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

 In a Pumwani maternity ward:
 NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

 In a cemetery:
 PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
 GRAVES.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL{*filter*} IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN

 BED.

 In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL{*filter*}TAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS

 In a Bangkok temple:
 IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A
MAN.

 Hotel elevator, Paris:
 PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

 Hotel, Yugoslavia:
 THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
 YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
 IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE
OF  DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE
TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An adverti{*filter*}t by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD
 TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
 TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO
MISCARRIAGES.

Adverti{*filter*}t for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
 WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

....OK,  now get back to work !

Mike